Independence Day: Helping Children with Developmental Opposition

Happy Fourth of July!!!  I hope you are enjoying this time with family and friends!  What a great reminder every year to celebrate our freedom! 

One thing I think of when I consider Independence Day is the Conscious Discipline Power of Free Will.  This is one of the most difficult Powers for me to really practice.  I have a deep rooted belief that if I go about it right I can still make others do what I want.

Don't we all wish sometimes that children would just cooperate?  We want them to do as we say without complaint.  I shared a post on Prek and K Sharing today about how to help children by offering Two Positive Choices.  BUT I bet we all know that child.  You know, the one that for some reason challenges you beyond your skill level.

This is the child that when given choice A or B chooses C.  Dr. Becky Bailey describes several reasons why this child may be so resistant and gives us some strategies to help us address their needs.  Over the next week I will describe the characteristics of several different types of opposition.  Today we are going to discuss Developmental Opposition and the Parroting Technique. 

Developmental Opposition

• Individuation separation is a child's journey toward self-hood.  It transforms a helpless, dependent infant into a person with a unique identity.  Any assertive stance from an adult prompts the child to react with the opposite behavior. 

Help a child that is resistant for developmental reason by using the following strategies:

• Avoid a power struggle by taking a deep breath, become conscious of your thoughts, and  focus on what you want the child to do.
• Now that you are composed, choose to rely on the Power of Free Will rather than coercion to solve the problem.  Coercion is the problem, not the solution.
• Use the parroting technique as demonstrated in the picture below.

When you use the parroting technique there are a few things to remember:

1. You must stay calm.  As you continue to repeat the choices remember to breathe.  The child may continue pushing you and attempt to engage in a power struggle.  Keep breathing.

2. If the child downshifts and becomes physically aggressive it is time to offer assertive commands and active calming strategies.  You cannot offer choices to a child in a Survival State.

3. Although you may need to leave the blocks on the floor for a few more minutes while the child calms down be sure to follow through with having her clean up when she returns.  Once the blocks are cleaned up celebrate her accomplishments with her.

You can learn more about opposition by tuning back in next week.  We will explore other types of resistance and share strategies about what you can do to help! 







photo credit: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/hadock/3831715388/">_Hadock_</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/">cc</a>

One Word 2014

Speaking of commitments, it's been exactly six months since we began our One Word journey. 

How are you doing on your goals and resolutions you set for yourself this not so new year?

Do you even remember what your goals were this year? 

As I shared in my post "Becoming Your Best Self:  One Word" my family members and I each decided to choose one word that we are focusing on throughout the year. 

These paintings are a reminder for us daily to focus on challenging ourselves to reach our goals.  It has been so cool to see this process take on a life of its own in each person's daily experience.   

 

As I shared in January, my one word is CLARITY.

I thought I really had a good idea about what I needed clarity on this year.  Isn't it interesting sometimes how what we think will go one way ends up going in a totally different direction!

God had different plans than I did!

 

I have found clarity in so many ways that have been meaningful for me both personally and professionally. 

So, my question for you is this...

If you chose a word for the year how is it going?  What is your word and how are you focusing on that word this year?

Maybe you sort of got busy and stressed and haven't really been very goal focused so far this year.  No worries!  You still have six more months before the year is over and that is plenty of time to make a change!

Why wait?  Start today!  Make this the best year yet!



To learn more about One Word by Jon Gordon, check out the link below.  (affiliate post)

Are You Willing?

Last week I had the opportunity to join Loving Guidance Associate, Karen Hickman, for a two day Conscious Discipline training here in Indiana.  Over 100 people from around the state were empowered by her messages and the opportunity to learn how to help children learn from the consequences of their behavior.

Each day she challenged us to make a group commitment as well as a personal commitment.  Making commitments help us set ourselves as well as our children up for success! 

On day two of our workshop Karen asked the question "are you willing?"    She pointed out how often we say yes or no to things without really thinking through the consequences of that choice. 

Immediately, I thought about all the times I've said no to my own children before even thinking through what I was saying.

For example, I might say no to having a snack without thinking about the fact that they may really be hungry or have another need that is unmet.  You know how that goes.  As soon as you say no the whining ensues.  "But I'm huuuuuunnnnnngggggrrrrry!"  They cry.

Before you know it, I give in and let them have a snack and don't stick to the limit I initially set.   This can create a very unhealthy pattern for them AND me!

Perhaps if I'd slow down and pause when they ask for the snack and think about whether or not they really could need something to eat, I would consciously make a decision about it instead of answering while on autopilot.   

As I plan for the coming week, I am going to slow down and pause before making decisions.  I am going to intentionally ask myself, "Am I willing?" instead of getting myself into something and then later beating myself up about it and feeling disappointed or angry because of unmet expectations. 

So, my question for you is are you willing to slow down and put a pause in place before making a commitment?  Are you willing to take a deep breath and reflect instead of reacting out of the lower centers of your brain and saying or doing something you are later going to feel guilty about?

What are you willing to do this week to help set you and your children up for success?  Hope you'll join me in committing to putting in that pause and living life intentionally so you and your children can experience more joy and happiness in this journey!

Creating a School Family: Organizing Center Time

I have observed that many teacher have good intentions and want to allow children to have a choice about where they want to play and when.  Unfortunately, if it isn't managed well, free choice time can turn into chaos and the anxiety in the room goes through the roof.   

I get the opportunity to visit many classrooms when I am coaching.  I always keep my camera handy so I can snap shots of brilliance in action!  Recently, I found two new ideas for managing Center Time that I would love to share with you!  These ideas would work best with children that are preschool age and older. 

This first idea comes from a Head Start Classroom in my community.  At each center in the classroom, the teacher has posted a simple poster like the one shown above.  She added photos from school supply catalogs to help the children have a visual support along with written label for each center.  The bear cutouts give the children a visual reminder for how many children may play safely at each center.  When children arrive at the center, they hang their individualized bear on one of the spaces provided.  What a simple and easy way to add safety and predictability to your center time!

Speaking of simple, it doesn't get much simpler than this next idea!  I came across this fabulous and super super easy idea at the same Head Start, but in a different classroom.  You will flip when you see how easy it can be to kick your center management up a notch!

This teacher has a baggie with hair ties in it.  Yes, you heard that right, HAIR TIES!  When it is time for centers the teacher lays out the correct number of bands for each center.  So, if the yellow center is allowed to have four children, then she lays out four yellow bands. When the children choose their center they put the band around their wrist to help others know where they're going.  If they want to change centers they simply go over change colors and move to the center of their choice. 

The teacher spends time at the beginning of the year teaching the children which color represents each center.  She practices it with them and sets them (and her) up for success!  You could also hang some sort of colored symbol in each center to remind children of the color for each center if you choose.  What a great visual and tactile way to manage centers! It just doesn't get any easier than this!

Remember, our goal in center time is for children to be engaged in learning activities that increase social, motor, and cognitive skills, as well as language development through play.  Lack of structure at Center Time creates an atmosphere of stress for children.  When children are stressed learning will not occur.  By adding just a few little structures such as the ones shared above you can soothe the lower centers of the brain, help children feel safe and ready to learn!

Hot Chocolate Connecting Activities that will Warm Your Heart

Does hot chocolate take you back to memories of your childhood like it does me?  I remember my mom getting out that dented little pan to warm up some milk and make some steamy hot chocolate for us on those cold winter days.  She warmed the milk oh so carefully so it wouldn't burn.  Then she would squeeze in just enough chocolate to give it taste and if we had some on hand we always added marshmallows! 

One of the best things about hot chocolate is the way if feels in your hands!  Heck!  Half of the experience is just holding the mug and sniffing that rich chocolaty aroma!

I am sharing a sweet little connecting activity with you today that I hope will help you create some warm memories that you will look back on some day with your children and perhaps even carry on for the next generation.

You might like to do this activity with your little ones just before bed or when they get home from school to allow them some time to melt into the warmth of their relationship with you and experience a deep sense of connection and safety.  This activity could be easily adapted for use in the classroom with individual students or as a connecting activity for your class as a whole in your Brain Smart Start.

However you decide to do this activity, remember that it is important that it include eye contact, touch, presence, and playfulness.  Don't get too caught up in the words or motions, enjoy the time with your child, relax and be present. 

Here are the steps to doing the activity:

1. Hold your child in your lap.
2. Form the shape of a pot with your child's arms.
3. Pretend to pour milk into the "pot".
4. Holding your child's hands make a stirring motion with your arms as if you are stirring the milk with a big wooden spoon.
5. Squeeze your child's arms, hands, legs, or feet to pretend that it is the chocolate syrup squeezing it into the pot.
6. Gently poke your child's tummy or cheeks as you add the "marshmallows".
7. Wrap your arms snug around your child and give a hug.
8. Last, but not least, drink up that yummy hot chocolate as you enjoy smiles and giggles all around!

This poster for this song can be found here.  You can print it out for free!!!

If you are interested in more developmentally appropriate activities that include hot chocolate be sure to check out my post over on Pre-K and K Sharing.  There is another free printable over there that will help you teach your children to take that deep calming breath when they are feeling upset and need to relax.

Go ahead, grab a cup of hot cocoa, print out the poster and put it up on the fridge so you are ready to snuggle in close with your little ones.  This is one connecting activity that is sure to warm your hearts!