Conscious Discipline Book Club: Chapter 1--Transformational Change

When I first started using Conscious Discipline I thought it was something I would just be using in my classroom.  Initially, I thought it was going to help me get from point A to point B and help my students be better prepared for kindergarten.  I also thought it would give me new strategies for how to handle the challenging behavior in my preschool classroom.

I really had no idea how much it was going to change me.

It has been five years since I jumped off the Pamper Pole at Conscious Discipline Advanced Institute.  That ball that hangs just out of reach represents your goals and dreams.  The things you want most in life.

As I climbed the pole, my whole focus was on the step that was just in front of me.  I didn't look too far ahead nor did I dare look behind.  I just focused on the next best placement of my hands and feet so I would be secure.

When I got to the top of the poll and stood myself up with only the ropes holding me I froze.  For what seemed like a lifetime I just stood there.

What if I jumped and fell?

How do I get my feet to move?

Are they really going to catch me when I go?

Breathe...

Listen...

Trust...the people on the ground have got me!

Breathe...

Just about the time I mustered up the courage to jump a dove flew over from the tree and landed on the cable that held the ball.

Peace...

JUMP!!!

Stretching forward I smacked that ball and then slowly floated to the ground where I was surrounded by the warm embrace of friends.  They were the ones holding the rope.  I had to trust the people on the ground in order to have the courage to jump, but ultimately I had to trust the source of all my strength--God

My journey with Conscious Discipline has been much like my experience with the Pamper Pole.  As Dr. Bailey reminded us at the end of the chapter, if we focus on the goal the journey takes longer.  To experience transformation we have to focus on the step that is right in front of us and take the next best step.  We can't do it alone.  We have to lean in to the community of friends and family around us--the cheerleaders in our lives help us along the way.  It's not a sign of weakness to ask for help--it's actually a sign of strength.

Ultimately, for me, it is my faith that has brought me through this journey to where I am today.  I don't need to hide my weakness or pretend like I'm perfect in order to be the best mom, friend, or employee I can.  It is actually through my weakness that He is strong.  When I trust Him with my weakness and seek His help in becoming the woman He created me to be, that is when I find peace and the courage to JUMP!

Chapter One in our book study starts out with this quote from Mahatma Gandhi.  "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Over the last month and a half I have been on a very intentional journey to get healthier.  Not only physically healthy, but also emotionally, and spiritually healthy.  It hasn't been easy, but I am so ready for a change!

Self-discipline takes work.  It can be very labor intensive and having a strong support system makes a huge impact on your success.  Just like when I jumped off the pamper pole, I have to really work at it to "trust the people on the ground."  When I trust them enough to be vulnerable and share my journey with them I find encouragement, joy, and success!

The truth is that when I left my classroom three years ago to "take the leap" into being self-employed there was a lot of fear involved.  I was leaving the only job I had known for 18 years.  I left many friends and families that I had grown to love and who were a part of my daily life.  Many of these people were my support system.  We did life together for many years and now our paths were headed in different directions.

Long and short of it is that fear can do some crazy stuff to our behavior.  As long as I stayed lost in the fear or unaware of the impact it was having on me my progress was going to be stifled.  It seemed like I was so isolated and alone.  I knew how to do better, but I wasn't doing it.  I found myself way off track from where I really wanted to be.  I felt very frustrated and sad.

I imagine that the same is true for many of you.  When you first began learning about and implementing Conscious Discipline there was a lot of fear involved.  Maybe you were excited about the possibility of learning a better way to discipline your students or children, but didn't realize how much work it was going to be.  There may have been tools in your "discipline toolbox" that weren't very helpful and now you were trying to let them go.  Maybe it seemed like you were alone.  Perhaps the only person in your school or home who was trying to learn a better way.

Fear isolates us.  It makes it hard for us to feel safe and trust other people or even ourselves for that matter.   Most of us were raised with discipline that relied on fear to make us behave.  Rewards and punishments were the norm.  When we begin learning about Conscious Discipline we are making some HUGE shifts.  Instead of slamming shut that fear-based discipline toolbox and sealing it with a lock, we are making a shift in our mindset and adding practical skills so we can be the change we want to see in the world.  Essentially, we are giving our toolbox a makeover.  Becoming aware of what is in the old toolbox and upgrading it with the necessary tools so we can be the best person possible and have the self-discipline necessary to TEACH Conscious Discipline tools to our children.
For me, the only way that can happen is if I rely on the Maker, not myself.

I am so excited that each of you have joined me on this journey toward a better way.  This is just the beginning.  Whether you have been using Conscious Discipline for many years or are just beginning, I am certain that you will make new discoveries and take new steps in your journey that will help you be the change you want to see in the world.

I can't wait to hear what you are learning!  Please be sure to comment below with your questions, reflections, and insights from Chapter 1 and join us on BLAB on February 26 at 8:30 pm Eastern Time for our live chat!

Here is the link:  https://blab.im/jenny-conscious-discipline-book-club-chapter-one

"See" you there!

The "Little Things" Aren't Always So Little

My heart melted as we walked away and my daughter squeezed my hand and said, "I like it when you're here because you do stuff like that!"

It's the little things...

It was her second volleyball tournament of the season and after their first win, the coach rounded up all the girls for a team photo.  As you can imagine, the parents were gathered around like the paparazzi excitedly taking pictures of the team and I was right there front and center snapping away!  

You see, I didn't get to go to her first tournament because I had nursery duty at church that Sunday.  My husband happily stepped up to the plate to play the role of chauffeur, chef, cheerleader, and family reporter!  As hard as he tries, something was still missing...

It's the little things...

When I went to a Women's Expo a couple of weeks ago with a friend we had the opportunity to hear Rachel Stafford from Hands Free Mama. She spoke about her journey from being over whelmed and distracted with life to becoming hands free and more present and purposeful in her relationships and the way she lives.

She shared an excerpt from her blog post titled:  "The Life of the Party is Closer than You Think."  She points out that as we become present with our children and spend time nurturing our relationships we become the life of the party.  The heartbeat of the family.  The little things really do matter!

"You are the party because of the love you offer in small, daily doses.  So don’t worry about how you look.  Don’t worry about what you did or didn’t do yesterday.  Don’t worry about that long list of flaws and failings no one is keeping but you.  Your love and presence are the highlight of someone’s life—the highlight of someone’s life.  Keep waking up.  Keep showing up.  Keep picking yourself up from off the floor.  You are the party—the Life of the Party.  Your daily doses of love and presence make it so." (Rachel Stafford, Hands Free Mama)

I started reflecting on what that means for me.

Could I be the life of the party?

Could it really be as simple as putting a note in your child's lunch box, stopping for a hug, taking a team photo or sitting down to listen while your daughter settles into bed for the night?

Of course it is!

In fact, my friend and I were so inspired by Rachel that we decided to start putting fun little notes in our teenager's lunch boxes every day!  We've had lots of fun coming up with creative ways to surprise them when they open their lunch and find a message from mom!

I've written on sticky notes, napkins, fruit and baggies!  You never know where you'll find a little "party" in your lunch box!

I did a little searching on the internet and found TONS of blogs with FREE printable lunch box notes.

I'm going to include links to those sites for you, but keep a couple of things in mind!

1.  Keep it personal!  A hand written note that has meaning for you and the child is better than anything else!
2.  This is a great way to remind your child that you are thinking of them throughout their day.  It reminds them of the connection you have with one another.  If they like jokes, make sure you include some joke notes!  If they find strength in scriptures include those too!  I even found lunch box notes with beloved characters such as Legos and Frozen!

These are just a few of my favorite posts that include FREE Lunch Box Notes Printables!

• Kids Activities Blog:  500 FREE Printable Lunch Box Notes
• What Do We Do All Day:  Tongue Twister Notes (My daughter loves these!)
• Frugal and Focused:  FREE Printable Scripture Notes
• One Mama's Daily Drama:  Star Wars Notes
• Picklebums:  Printable Lunch Box Notes (these are like sticky notes)
• Coupons Are Great:  Lego Lunch Box Notes

I think sometimes we make Conscious Discipline too complicated.  At it's core it is about being safe, present, and connected with your child.  It doesn't have to be complex.

The TRUTH is that more often than not it's the little things that matter the most!

Keep it simple.

After I shared with you last week about how difficult it can be for me to connect with my teenagers, I realized that it's not as hard as I make it sometimes!

There are many times throughout our week that offer us special opportunities to connect.

My son is now 14 years old and he's about 6 foot 2.  He is a pretty typical teenage boy, who, at least once a day, gives me a huge smile and looks at me out of the corner of his eye as he charges over for a BIG HUG! Even though he has to lean over to hug me now, it's our little ritual.  As he snuggles close, I feel so happy.  I can't help but think he does too!

Remember, the little things aren't always so little.

Brain Smart Connection Activities: What I Love About You!

As you may have read in my last post, connection is the key to cooperation...

BUT it's so much MORE than that!

The connections we build with children through loving rituals and traditions help us set aside a sacred space to create a climate of love and acceptance--A time to focus on what really matters!

When I was a child my mom had a way of making even the smallest "holiday" special in some way.

Two of my favorites were Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day.

There was heart-shaped cakes, love notes, and everything pink on Valentine's Day.

And it wouldn't be St. Patrick's day if that pesky little leprechaun didn't turn the milk green!  We also had the traditional green eggs and ham and wore as much green as we could so we wouldn't get pinched on St. Patties Day!  Even when we were TEENAGERS!

Is it any surprise that when I became a teacher and eventually a mom, I carried those traditions into my teaching and parenting practices?

Every year we still have heart-shaped food, love notes, and as much pink as possible on Valentine's Day!  And that sneaky little leprechaun still manages to turn something green in our house!

These rituals still hold a very special place in my heart!

I'm reading the NAEYC publication titled Rituals and Traditions:  Fostering a Sense of Community in Preschool by Jacky Howell and Kimberly Reinhard.  Although it is focused on the classroom, the same principles apply to the home.  In the book it states, "Rituals and traditions are part of everyday life.  A ritual can be reading a book in a special chair before bed.  A tradition can be a special food that is served only at celebrations.  Rituals and traditions have the power to shape classroom routines into times that build meaningful connections and bonds among children, families, and teachers, creating and strengthening a sense of community in early childhood settings."

That's what my mom did!  She took the ordinary and made it extraordinary through meaningful and fun rituals and traditions!

During the month of February I am going to be sharing various activities that could help you focus on building rituals and traditions into your family, whether at home or school!

A couple of years ago I found myself very frustrated with the environment in our home.

My children were growing up and I it was very challenging to figure out ways to connect with them.  I was a pro at connecting with preschoolers, toddlers, and infants, but not so much with these "teeny boppers" that were now living under my roof.

There was an increase in the amount of conflict in our home and I knew it was because we weren't connecting.  I wanted to find ways to connect with and encourage my family that would be age appropriate and meaningful.

I needed something to help me shift my focus from the frustration I felt to being more encouraging to myself and my family.

Since it was February, I decided we all needed a bit more love and intentionality!

I cut out some heart-shaped notes and wrote something different that I noticed about them every day for the whole month!

Each morning before they got up, I would hang a new note on their door so they could start their day off with some encouraging words.

The phrase I like to use is:  "You _____ so _____.  That was ____!"

It is helpful language that we teach in Conscious Discipline because it is 100% focused on the beauty you see in the child and their actions.  I try to avoid phrases such as, "I like the way you..."  or "You did a good job with..."  Those phrases make it more about me and can be about approval rather than the qualities in the child that are valuable.

I also got my husband in on the fun and made sure there were plenty of hearts so everyone could share the love!

It might be helpful if you number each of your hearts as you add them!  By the end of the month you'll have 28 (unless it's a Leap Year like this year)!

It amazing me how quickly the whole climate in our home/classroom changes when we shift from focusing our what's missing to seeing the beauty that's right in front of us!

Not only did I experience more joy, so did they!  They couldn't wait to get out of bed and see what I noticed that day!  It raises everyone's awareness of the impact they have on others!

Since today is only February 2nd we are just on our second day, but it has made a difference already!  My husband wanted to know where the "stash" of hearts was so he could write me some notes too!  And my son went out of his way to tell me thank you for the kindness he saw expressed on his door today!

Whether you are in the classroom or home I hope this idea inspires you to remember what you love about those around you and not just remember, but express it to them too!







 

Conscious Discipline Book Club 2016

I've had a great response to the 2016 Conscious Discipline Book Club that I will be leading here at Ignite Learning!

Since I had such a big response, I decided to wait until February to start the Book Club to give me more time to organize the details.

If you would like to join this 10 month journey please follow this link to fill out a quick form so I will know who is reading along.

This Book Club is going to be very informal.  

As I mentioned in my previous post, this is a personal commitment.  One that I hope you will choose to make because of the personal reward of life transformation.  

There aren't any "assignments" other than to read one chapter each month and work through the questions and additional resources provided on the Conscious Discipline website.  I will guide you along the way.  :) 

Each month, I will post on the blog about my personal journey and how this book is impacting my life experience.  

My hope is that you will also share.  At the end of each blog post you will see that there is a space where you can comment.  Please take the time to comment and share with this community about what you learned that month and how it impacted your daily life.  

You can also email me or connect with me through various social media sites such as Facebook.

Here's the plan:

STEP 1:  Follow this link to submit your information registering you for the book club.

STEP 2:  If you haven't already done so, order the NEW Conscious Discipline book by Dr. Becky                     Bailey.  

STEP 3:  Read one chapter a month and interact on the Book Club posts to share your experience

1. February:  Chapter 1 Introduction to Conscious Discipline
2. March:  Chapter 2 Conscious Discipline Brain State Model
3. April:  Chapter 3 School Family
4. May:  Chapter 4 Composure
5. June:  Chapter 5 Assertiveness
6. July:  Chapter 6 Encouragement
7. August: Chapter 7 Choices
8. September:  Chapter 8 Empathy
9. October:  Chapter 9 Positive Intent
10. November:  Chapter 10:  Consequences

STEP 4:  Join me and some of my friends on BLAB (download the app or find it on the web) for a LIVE conversation about our Book Club journey on February 26th at 8:30 Eastern Time.  More information to come!

Looking forward to a rich experience!  Hope you'll join me!

Brain Smart Transition Tips that Work: Motivation

Think about the last time you went to Walmart or your local department store.  

Did you get a warmer greeting from the people there than you do when you enter your home, classroom, or office?

I know for myself that I have to be very intentional about getting up from my desk or whatever task I am doing when my family comes home and go to them and make an meaningful connection.  Whether it's a simple hello and sticking around long enough to hear about their day or chatting while I make them a snack it makes a huge difference in our relationship when I do!

This is the last in a three part series about how to create Brain Smart transitions in your classroom or home.  If you haven't read the other two posts you can find them here.

So you've tried everything in the first two posts and you are STILL having trouble at certain times of day or with a particular child.  What to do now?

As you might have guessed by the looks of our introduction, it has something to do with relationships.  

The motivation to behave comes from being in relationship.  Traditionally, we thought that rules governed behavior.  What we know now is that it is actually relationships that cause a person to have the motivation to pay attention, follow directions, or control their impulses enough to inhibit the drive to push someone in line or continue playing when it is time to clean up.  

How many of you know the rule about the speed limit on the interstate near you?  Maybe the speed limit is 70 mph.  How many of you actually drive it?  BUT, when do you slow down?  About the time you see a cop sitting in the median or closing in behind you.  Why do you slow down?  Because you are afraid you'll get caught.  I have met very few people who actually drive the speed limit all the time just because it is the RULE.

I bet you've had an experience where a child behaves one way for school and differently at home.  Perhaps they behave differently for mom than they do for dad.  Don't even get me started on grandma.  If you're a grandma you know what I mean.  ;)

As we develop relationships with children by providing regular opportunities for eye contact, appropriate touch, playfulness, and presence we are actually wiring their brains for cooperation, impulse control, and attention.  You are literally creating neural connections in the brain!  How cool is that?  You're building BRAINS!

You may already have some rituals in your classroom or home where you make purposeful connections with your children.  Maybe you could use a few more ideas?

Dr. Becky Bailey has provides a book FULL of ideas to build these meaningful connections.  In her book, "I Love You Rituals" she shares a variety of songs, games, and finger plays that can help you get started.  

Watch this short video to help you understand that our need for connection never changes.  All ages, all stages, and everything in between...we were made for relationship!

As you see from the video, each little snip-it included those four essential ingredients:  eye contact, touch, presence, and playfulness.

Imagine that building these connections is like baking a cake.  If you bake a cake and leave out the eggs, you will get a product when you pull it out of the oven, but it certainly won't be as good as it would if the eggs were there!  The same is true with connecting activities!  When you make sure you get in all four ingredients you will get a much better product in the end!  Just remember that the goal is creating authentic relationships with children and you can't go wrong!   

Our goal as adults is to get to know our children well enough that we know how to connect with them in an attuned way.  Some connections could be done with a whole group of children.  Others will happen on an individual basis. You will find that some children need far more connection that their peers.  When a child has had their needs for safety and connection met at home, they come to school ready for learn.  They don't require the intensity as a child who has a history of trauma or disconnect in their home.

So when you consider how to transition your children throughout the day make sure you remember to take the time to connect!  You may think you don't have the time to connect, but I would say you don't have the time not to!

I have done I Love You Rituals with many children and one of their all time favorites is "Round and Round the Garden."  It is super sweet and fun!

I'm going to share two examples of how I use this I Love You Ritual to help with transitions, but the possibilities are only limited by your creativity and imagination!

The first example involves a time when the children are asked to make a transition to a large group or family activity such as story time.  

1. Once all the children arrive in the group have them stand up in a circle and hold hands.

2. Ask them if they've ever seen a garden.  If so, what grows in a garden?

3. Once they are done describing gardens, tell them you are going to pretend that there is a garden in the middle of the circle.

4. As you hold hands and say the chant you are going to walk slowly in a circle around the garden.

5. When you say, "One step, two steps..."  Slow down and really exaggerate your steps.  

6. Then tickle as many children as you can under the arm.  They may also tickle those around them gently.  Make sure you help them understand how to tickle gently.

They usually want to do it again and again!  It is a great way to get everyone organized into a circle and wire their brains for success!

The second example of how I use this ritual for a transition has to do with the end of a group activity.  Perhaps the children are finished with circle time and they need to go wash their hands for lunch.  You don't want to send all the children to the sink at the same time so you could use rituals to help you slowly release them to wash their hands.  

1.  Call up one child at a time and hold out both of your hands.  One hand represents the "bear" and the other hand represents the "mouse" (another I Love You Ritual).  Of course you could also use visuals of these animals as well.  

2.  Ask the child, "Do you want the bear or the mouse?

3.  Once they choose, you will do the ritual one time. 

•   Hold the child's hand in your hand palm facing up.
• Use your index finger to gently circle their palm while saying, "Round and round the garden goes the teddy bear."
• As you say, "One step, two step..." slowly walk your fingers up their arm.
• When it says, "Tickle under there!" you will tickle the child under the arm.  
• Giggles and love abound!

4.  After the ritual, you may want the child to take a deep breath with you to relax their body.

4.  If you even want to take it a step further, you could ask the child to repeat back to you what they are going to go do.  (Go wash my hands and sit down at the table)

5.  It works like a charm!

You may have a hard time imagining that the children will sit and wait their turn, but you would be surprised!  If you are a safe and loving adult, they want nothing more than a "moment" with you!  You are making BIG investments when you take time to create those moments throughout your day!  It will pay big dividends in the long run!

Remember, when you do a ritual with a child and it comes from your heart you are throwing them a lifeline.  If they were sailors adrift at sea you could pull them safely back to the shore!

I hope you have found some helpful tips in this series about transitions that are Brain Smart.  If you have questions or would like to know more about Conscious Discipline get connected!  You can find me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter!  You are also welcome to email me directly through the blog for further information.  

As always, I wish you well!