Brain Smart Transition Tips that Work

Whether you're a teacher or parent you'll agree that your day is full of transitions.  Parents and teachers alike have told me over the years how challenging transitions can be whether in the classroom or home.

This post is the first of a series of posts about strategies you can use regardless of your environment to help you and your children be more successful with transitions.

Did you know that the most difficult transition of the day is the transition from home to work or school?  I would add that an equally challenging transition can be at the end of the day when you return home.

Today, we are going to begin the series by learning a skill called the M.A.P. technique.  If you can add this basic tool from Dr. Becky Bailey's Conscious Discipline to your toolbox you will discover pretty quickly that your transitions are transformed!

The M.A.P. technique is an assertiveness tool that will help you think through the transitions that occur throughout your day.  It will help you develop a road map for SUCCESS!  If you were traveling from Indianapolis to Orlando you would plan out your trip and hopefully look at a map to help you get there successfully.  Of course there are always a few bumps in the road, but the whole trip goes smoother if you plan ahead.  The M.A.P. technique works the same way.  It helps you plan ahead so everyone feels more successful in the end!  :)

The first basic question to ask yourself is, "What do I want this time of day to look like, sound like, feel like?"  The answer to that question will be your "destination".  It will help you and your children figure out where you're going.

If you have older children you could even get them involved in the planning process.  The answer to this basic question will guide you as you M.A.P. out the routine.  This is how you will get to your destination!


What does M.A.P. Stand for?


M=Model your procedures and expectations
A=Add Visuals
P=Practice, practice, practice

I remember when I first began learning about Conscious Discipline and dinnertime  in our home meant CHAOS!  I returned from a Conscious Discipline training inspired to use these strategies to figure out a different way to do dinnertime.

I began by having a conversation with my husband to help us figure out what our "destination" as a family for dinnertime would be.  His dinner experience was very different than mine as a child.  He was an only child and his dad worked at night.  He and his mom would usually eat dinner in front of the TV while watching recorded soaps form the day.

I came from a family of five.  My mom and dad felt that dinnertime at the table together was very important.  We had specific seats to sit in, we said prayer, asked to have the food passed while using good manners, and asked to be excused when we were finished.

As you can see, we came from very different experiences.  Our destinations looked a little different.  This conversation helped us figure out what we wanted the dinnertime experience in our home to look like, feel like, and sound like.  It was so helpful to get on the same page.

Next, I worked with  my children who were about 5 and 7 at the time to make a book about dinner in our home.  First, I talked to them about the routine we would follow at dinner.  I modeled what their dad and I wanted it to look like, feel like, and sound like.  They agreed to be my models while I took pictures of them completing each part of our dinnertime routine.  I turned the pictures into a very simple book that showed step by step what we would do at dinner.  We practiced the routine by reading the book and acting it out.

The book was so helpful at the time.  We used it frequently to help us remember how to make the transition from playtime to dinnertime without yelling and resistance.  It was also helpful to follow-up with encouragement when people did what I wanted them to do.  Learn more about that here .

One of the difficult transitions in my classroom happened after snack time every day.  Meals present a different dilemma because children get done various rates.

We used the M.A.P. technique and came up with a routine to help ease the transition from snack to the next activity.  We called the next activity "Book Buddies".  Here are some of the pictures and steps we used to teach and practice this routine with the children so everyone would be successful!

 

I hope you find some inspiration here to help you think through your transitions and develop a plan that will help you and your children feel more successful!  In our next post in this series will focus on some visuals you can use to help with transitions.  I will also be sharing some free visuals that you could print out so you'll have a tool to use right away!  Stay tuned!

Conscious Discipline Book Study

The truth is when I attended my very first Conscious Discipline workshop I really didn't think I needed it.

After all, I had a whole semester of behavior management in college!

When I was faced with challenging behavior I typically came up with some sort of positive strategy to help gain more of the behavior I was looking for.  In other words, I used rewards such as treasures, stickers, praise, and special privileges.

When all else failed and I didn't know what else to do I turned to punishments.  I used time out and loss of privileges at school and at home with my own children I sometimes even spanked them.

I'll never forget the day I spanked my young son and he looked at me and laughed.  I knew there had to be a better way.  I didn't want to raise my children in a place where violence and loss of love were used to control behavior.

I am forever grateful that my coworker dragged me into that first Conscious Discipline workshop.  Boy were my eyes opened that day!  I really didn't know a whole lot about social-emotional development at the time nor did I know much about the most recent brain research.

As soon as I left that workshop I ran right down stairs to the exhibit hall and purchased the Conscious Discipline book.  I was SOLD!  I wanted to learn everything I could about lovingly guiding my children to live more disciplined lives.  That was in 2007.  My life will be forever changed!

Has this been an easy journey?  NO!

The most difficult part of this journey has been letting go of the past and empowering myself to embrace the power within so I can be these me I can be!  It has been very painful at times, but also filled with JOY!

It's easy to set up a cute little Safe Place, memorize a new I Love You Ritual, or teach a child to use their BIG voice.  The hard part is doing it YOURSELF!

Now that my own children are teenagers and they have lived with Conscious Discipline for the past 9 years of their lives I can really see the results of our commitment to teach rather than punish.  (That's not to say we get it perfectly.  We've made LOTS of oopsies, but we learn from our mistakes and rebuild relationships and try again.)

One skill that I see really growing in my children right now is the skill of Empathy.  I hear them use it with their friends and they even use it with me.  It is so rewarding to hear the words you've tried to model and teach to your children come out of their mouth without any prompting.

Could I do this on my own?  I really don't think so.  It is because Dr. Becky Bailey has given me so many structured tools and loving guidance that I have been able to develop these skills.  It is also because I have not tried to face this journey alone.  I have reached out in faith to my family, friends, my Conscious Discipline Family, and even other professionals to help me develop in my areas of weakness.  I could not do it alone.

That's why I'm writing to you today.

One of the commitments I'm going to make over the course of the next year is to read a chapter a month of the new Conscious Discipline book.  I've read most of it before, but this time I want to slowly go through the chapters, let it marinate and allow time to really implement that concept into my daily life.  I'm going to use the online book study as my guide and I'm going to post about my journey.

I would be thrilled if you would join me on this journey.  Are you looking for a tool to help you transform your relationship with your husband, children, coworkers, or the children in your classroom?  This book will do that for you if you make a commitment to read the chapters, complete the exercises, and take steps to implement what you're learning in your daily life.

I hope you'll join me!

You can get your copy of the Conscious Discipline book by going to the Conscious Discipline website.  There won't be any assignments or certificates, just an opportunity to develop yourself because it's what YOU want to do.  Because you're worth it!  I will blog monthly about my journey and encourage you along the way via social media.  I would love it if you would comment on this blog entry to let me know you're joining me in this journey.  I would also like to connect with you on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter where you can # your entries about the reading with #cdbookstudy2016.

I will be reading and discussing Chapter one in February.  Join the conversation.

Are you willing?

  

When Fear Whispers in Your Ear

Let's face it, teachers love STUFF!

I remember when I was growing up how often my mom and the other teachers I knew collected STUFF!  They saved everything from egg cartons, shoe boxes and toilet paper tubes to pie pans, rubber bands, and Pringles cans!  For heaven's sake don't throw away the Christmas cards!  :)

Over the years I realized the value in salvaging STUFF so it could be used in my classroom.  This ability to see potential in the things others discard was passed down to me by many generations of teachers!  

My husband has a really hard time understanding this.  LOL!  What appears to him as just a regular appliance box, to me is a bear den where my preschoolers can go to be alone or pretend to hibernate like other animals in winter.  When I return from the library book sale with another bag of children's books he sees clutter and I see adventures, literacy, and potential for connecting with a child in a special way that only the really good books can provide.

You should see my garage!  Many years ago a dear friend and mentor taught me how to organize my STUFF into categories and plastic totes.  Through the years the shelves in my garage haven't held the normal tools and yard supplies you would expect.  No, they have been filled instead with the treasures of a preschool classroom.  Every month I would load my car up with box upon box of materials to help me turn my classroom in to a magical learning experience for the children I loved so dearly.  I wanted to do everything I could to give them the best childhood experience possible and I really thought I needed STUFF to do that.

I think its a sign of true love when your husband thinks your visions are nonsense, but he makes room for them in the garage, helps you carry the boxes, and smiles with adoration (or maybe an eye roll) when you return with another bag from the Target Dollar Spot!  

With the emergence of the internet (yes, I began teaching before there was an internet) it seems that the STUFF that teachers seek now are downloadable, printable, laminate-able (is that a word) and often plugged into an outlet!  Now we can share all our wonderful ideas for how to use all this STUFF via the world wide web on sites like Teachers Pay Teachers, Pinterest, and blogs like this!

Three years ago I made the decision to leave the classroom.  It was a really difficult decision to leave the only job I'd known since I graduated from college.  I LOVE teaching!  I especially delight in the early childhood years.  Three-year-olds get excited about toilet paper tubes, marble painting, and appliance boxes too!  They light up the way I do when I discover a wonderful new children's book and have the opportunity to use all my funny voices with the characters!

After 18 years of teaching you can probably imagine how much STUFF I had.  Eighteen years of rummage sales, book fairs, donations, routines, and many many visits to the Dollar Store!

I had a really hard time letting go.

Deep inside of me I still see potential in many of the things I've collected over the years.  It stirs something deep in my soul to anticipate the smiles and bright eyes of children as I share my new discovery with them.  My heart beats faster, my eyes widen, and my face brightens with excitement and as a teacher you get to do it again and again!

Over time I have been able to dig deep and slowly but surely help much of my beloved STUFF find new homes where it will be well loved for years to come.

Now I am down to my very favorites.  These are the ones that I long to use again.  Whether in blog posts or someday in a classroom of my own,  Examples include about 10 years of Mailbox Magazines.  Those little magazines hold treasure between the covers. Teachers from all over the globe have contributed their finest ideas to the pages held within.

How about those teaching units for Clifford, Dr. Seuss, Eric Carle, and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom?  Out of all of my files these are the ones that were my favorites!  Year after year the children and I enjoyed many activities with these favorite children's books.  Letting go of them means letting go of the hope that they will be used again. 

In this journey that I have been on over the past nine years with Conscious Discipline I have learned many things.  Each year I discover new areas of my life where I had no idea I needed to grow.  2016 seems to be the year for growing in truth.  Each year my family and I do the One Word Challenge and my word this year is Truth.

So begins the next chapter in this story.

All of this said, the truth is that I have a hard time letting go of stuff.  In fact, I probably put too much importance on the stuff.




I think there is definately value in having STUFF to use as tools in your classroom to help you bring new and creative lessons to your students.

NOW hear this...

What I have learned and continue to learn is that the magic isn't in the STUFF...the magic is in YOU.  When you rely so heavily on all of the STUFF whether it is an idea book, art materials, appliance boxes, or the latest TPT download you lose touch with what matters most--Your belief in yourself!

I am in the process of organizing and redecorating my office.  I decided that it was time for a real big girl office!  Since these are weak skills for me I hired a professional organizer.  She is also a former preschool teacher so she totally understands my condition.  :)  She gets it.

As we began to work in my office she asked about the Mailbox Magazines and numerous children's books I continue to hold on to.  I explained with tears in my eyes how precious they were to me and why I have such a hard time letting go of them.  They hold so much potential.


The truth is that they also hold guilt.

Guilt about all the blog posts I hoped to write, but never did.  Guilt about the fact that they were collecting dust instead of more memories.  

The truth is they are a distraction.

They take my heart and mind away from where I presently am.  Each time I see them they either take me to the past lamenting what is gone or to the future and how I wish to use them again.

The truth is I don't need them now.

With all this distraction it is keeping me from being my best and giving my best to where I am right now.  My OCD Organizational friend helped me see that I have what I need right now inside me and I need to believe that.  God will supply all I need when the time comes and now I am being called to let go.  Trust that the magic is in me.

It was fear that was holding me back and whispering in my ear...


"You never know."

"You're not really that creative on your own."

"You may need them some day."

"You worked so hard to collect all that stuff.  What if you can't find it again."

"It will make you a better teacher, blogger, trainer, coach, parent if you just hang on to that stuff."


LIES!



The truth is I have all I need and it is well.  Peace and happiness doesn't come from STUFF.  Peace comes from a deep sense of well being knowing you've done your best wherever you are right now.

For me, the truth is I'm not using this STUFF now and haven't used it for the past three years.  It would serve its purpose so much better in the hands of a teacher and young children that will benefit from all these ideas right NOW!  I decided to begin giving some of my treasures to a dear friend who has her very first Head Start classroom.  She is eager to give new life to my old dusty materials and love them well with her bright eyed preschoolers.

Although it was with tears in my eyes that I loaded her car with bags and boxes, I know this is all a part of the circle of life.  She was overjoyed to receive such a gift and it moved her to pay it forward the same day by donating her unneeded van to a family in need.

So what about you?  What are you holding on to that keeps you from being your best self?  You have all the magic you need right inside you and your best lesson plan walks through the door every day.  Don't let all the STUFF distract you so much that you miss what is right in front of you.

Meaningful and Fun Holiday Family Activities

This is one of my favorite pictures of my little girl. 

When she was little her favorite part of the Christmas celebration at our church was seeing baby Jesus. 

Although this photo was taken several years ago, it is still a great reminder of what the season is all about--LOVE!  Taking time to connect and love on the people around you is really the best gift you can give this holiday season!

Sometimes the holiday season gets so busy with parties, shopping, and decorating that we can easily let precious moments with our children slip by. 

I am going to be very intentional about taking time to connect with my family each day this month.  Whether it's a simple butterfly kiss at bedtime or baking cookies for our neighbors what matters is that we slow down and take time to strengthen our connection.  It is also a great opportunity to teach our children to care for others by demonstrating kindness and love.  It doesn't have to take a lot of time, but it can still be meaningful and fun!

If you follow the link below you can print out a free December calendar with over 30 ideas for activities you could use to connect throughout the month.  Work with your child to cut out the ones you like the most and glue them on the dates when you know you will have time to spend on that activity.  When we did it we glued the calendar to a larger piece of construction paper and then decorated the calendar with foam Christmas cutouts.  We then added some ribbon to make a hanger for the calendar so we could hang it up in the kitchen where we were reminded to do our daily activity! 

This would also be a great activity for Sunday School classes, make and take family nights, or "homework" for classroom teachers.

Whatever you do, may you and your family be richly blessed this holiday season in the time you spend together.  I hope your light shines a little brighter as you share your love with those around you!

"Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12)

Helping Children Engage in Appropriate Touch

STOP touching her! 

Keep your hands to yourself!

How many times have you heard yourself saying these things to one of your children?

I remember when I was a child and we would all load up in the family station wagon to head out for a vacation.  There were three of us kids and I was the youngest so of course that meant I usually had to sit in the middle! 

We would hardly get out of the driveway and someone was tattling because someone was touching them!  (Just for the record, it was usually my brother and sister!  I was a complete angel!). 

It's actually pretty funny now to think about some of the things my mom and dad would say to us in an attempt to get us to stop touching each other and just get along!  It usually sounded something like, "If you kids don't stop touching each other I'm going to put a piece of tape down the middle of the seat between you and you won't be allowed to cross the line or you'll be punished."

Similar scenarios play out in classrooms and homes across the world every day. 

Children need touch.  In fact, it is the only sense you cannot live without.  We've heard the devastating stories of children in situations where they have been left swaddled or in cribs without touch and it results in extreme cognitive, physical, and social delays and even death.

If we need touch so badly, why is it that it is usually the first thing we do away with when children start tattling about the annoying child next to them that is touching them?  "Keep your hands to yourself!"

Would you like some strategies to help you teach children to touch appropriately so they can get their physical need for connection met in a way that will lead to willingness, greater impulse control, and improved attention? 

Children want need connection.  They also need our assistance learning the social skills necessary to get along with others.  If we want them to constantly sit "criss-cross applesauce hands in your lap" then when are they going to get the opportunity to connect with one another appropriately?  Put simply, they don't!  Since that need isn't being met, they are seeking that input in inappropriate ways.  Either because they don't know how to do it any differently or because they are in need of connection.  That's part of the reason they can't stand in line without poking, pushing or bumping their friends.

Let's start with connections.  When you are building connections with children there are four ingredients that are necessary:  eye contact, touch, presence, and playfulness.  Just like when you bake a cake, if you don't get the right measurement of each ingredient the result will be a flat cake.  It is essential that you look for creative and novel ways to help children connect with one another and with YOU!

One of Dr. Bailey's suggested "Top 10 Rituals for Connection" is Greeting and Goodbye Rituals.  They are super simple and fun!

At the beginning of our day in preschool I used to wear a greeting apron and greet each child in a playful way as they arrived each day.  Then during our circle time they would also get a greeting from a friend.  This was a great opportunity to not only build connections, but also teach social and communication skills!

During the month of November we would do lots of fun activities about Thanksgiving. 

Most of my preschoolers didn't know what a turkey looked like nor what sound it made.  We read books about turkeys and looked at lots of pictures.  We practiced making gobbling noises and even made up a fun turkey greeting! 

Here is a short video of my preschoolers offering their peers a choice of greetings.  The turkey greeting was one of their all time favorites!  Notice the brief eye contact, joyfulness, and communication that occurs as the children connect appropriately!

In the video they are using a super simple greeting plate.  You can make your own by using the template on the Make and Take cd form the Conscious Discipline website.  Basically, you use a paper plate.  Divide it into 4 sections using ribbon.  In each section, you adhere a piece of Velcro and a picture to represent a choice for greetings such as a turkey to represent the turkey greeting.  Using Velcro allows you to switch the greetings throughout the year to keep it novel and engaging.

I've included a free printable below with four new greetings that would be appropriate for Fall and Thanksgiving.  You saw the turkey greeting in the video.  I'll go ahead and describe how I would do the other three greetings.  Feel free to tweak them and make them work however would be best for you and your children! 

Pumpkin Greeting:  Give the child a hug and say, "If you were a pumpkin I'd pick YOU!"

Scarecrow Greeting:  Pretend the child is a scarecrow as you pull their arms out to the side, put a hat on their head, add some buttons on their chest (basically decorating your scarecrow).  When done smile and say, "You may scare crows, but you don't scare me!"

Football Greeting:  Take a step back away from the child and pretend you have a foot ball in your hand like you're going to make a pass.  The child puts their hands out as if to catch the "ball".  Once the child "catches" the ball, you take their hands in yours and raise them up like a goal and together shout "TOUCHDOWN!"